Age Of Consent
by Lady Silvamord
Summary: "Sasuke Uchiha, did you just sell me to your crazy older brother?" How Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto learn that stealing Christmas trees off the Interstate is not the way to go. With help from Law Enforcement Agent Itachi Uchiha, of course. ItaSaku AU.
1. Criminal Exploits

_Age Of Consent_

_-_

"_Sasuke Uchiha, did you just whore me out to your crazy older brother?" …In which Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto learn the hard way that stealing Christmas trees off the side of the Interstate is definitely not the way to go. With help from Law Enforcement agents Itachi and Shisui Uchiha, of course. Modern-day ItaSaku AU with a heavy dose of Team Seven friendship._

_-_

_Part one of two._

_-_

The second the giant purple rock almost crashes through Sakura Haruno's bedroom window is the very same second that Sakura realizes that this is probably going to be a _hell _of a crazy night.

Right after Sakura drags herself off the floor (since she had fallen off her bed with shock, of course), and stops swearing, in that order, she dashes over to her second-story window, flings it open, and looks down at the dark borderline between her house and the next door neighbors'. "Naruto!" she hisses vehemently; who _else_ would throw a giant purple doorstop rock at her window and purposely miss?

Only her best friend, that's for sure, and he emerges from the shadow of one of the topiaries in all of his gloriously blinding orange-parka glory, and waves at her cheerfully. "Hey, Sakura! Want to go out tonight?"

"Not with _you_," she teases, purposely misunderstanding his words, and tempering hers with an affectionate rolling of eyes.

Naruto hops from foot to foot to keep warm. "Not like that! I meant, do you want to go Christmas tree shopping with the bastard and I?"

As if summoned by his nickname alone, Sasuke Uchiha slinks out of the shadows, before nodding regally up at the other third of their trio. "Sakura, you had _better _come. I am not going Christmas tree shopping with the dumbass by myself."

Sakura hangs further out of her window, staring down at both of them. "Is there any reason _why_ you two are going out now? It's dark and even more freezing than usual…"

Naruto makes a face at her, before digging around in the many pockets of his orange parka, until he emerges with what looks like a thick wad of dollar bills. "Because Dad gave Sasuke and I major, _major_ cash – you know, to make up for the fact that he left buying a tree _so _freakin' late this year – and he said that whatever we didn't spend on the tree would be mine to use for _whatever_ I want! Besides, the three of us haven't hung out in like, forever!"

"It's been a day, Naruto," Sakura points out dryly.

"Sakura, stop being annoying and just come with, all right?" Sasuke drawls, sticking his hands in his pockets and trying to look like he isn't freezing his ass off, because as a rule, Uchiha are _too cool_ for mundane things like freezing their asses off.

"It'll be fun!" Naruto wheedles, giving her his most winning pout.

Sakura sighs, before waving at them. "Fine! I'll ask my mom, okay? Just hold on for a few minutes. And…" she hesitates, turning back to the window. "How cold is it, in jacket terms? White, pink, or violet?"

"Violet," Sasuke and Naruto chorus dryly.

Giving them one last smile, Sakura slams her window shut, grabs her thickest violet coat off the bed, and rushes downstairs, pulling it on over her black cashmere sweater on the way down. "Mom?" she yells, looking around the lower half of the expansive house. "Where are you? Can I go Christmas tree shopping with Sasuke and Naruto?"

After a few moments, Sayuri Haruno emerges from the kitchen, her phone cradled in the crook of her neck. In response to Sakura's unasked question, Sayuri places her hand over the mouthpiece. "Your aunt Tsunade," she whispers. "Who's driving?"

Sakura pales slightly as she realizes that she actually doesn't know. "Um, Sasuke?" she replies, hastily crossing her fingers behind her back – her mother loves Naruto like a son, but lost all faith in his driving skills after the first time Naruto very narrowly avoided wrapping his pickup around the Haruno mailbox.

Luckily, it is the right answer; Sayuri smiles and hugs her daughter around the waist. "Have fun, then, and don't be out too late!"

"Okay, and tell Aunt Tsunade that I say hi!" With that, Sakura buttons her coat and rushes out the door; the cold air is a slap against her face, and she coughs a few times, before accidentally running headlong into Naruto, who has just emerged from around the corner of her house.

The blonde boy grins, tossing his battered fox keychain from hand to hand and grabbing her wrist, before tugging her over toward the street…and a certain dreadfully familiar hideous orange pickup truck. "Aww, Sakura, this is going to be so _awesome_!"

Sakura tries to bury her fur-lined boots into the ground upon sighting Naruto's preferred mode of transportation. "Naruto! I told my mom that Sasuke would be driving!"

Sasuke snorts as he emerges silently from the boundary line between Naruto and Sakura's house. "I wish, but even I have to admit that Naruto's…sorry and pathetic excuse for a vehicle…would be better to transport a Christmas tree than a Jaguar would."

"Relax, you two," Naruto orders, before climbing into the driver's seat. He flings the passenger door open and pulls Sakura in, before Sasuke climbs in as well.

"This isn't legal," Sasuke observes, as he slams the door shut. "One of us should be in the cab—"

"You've said that every single time of the _hundreds_ of times we've ridden like this," Sakura points out wryly. "And yet, neither of us ever go back to the cab, do we?"

Sasuke sneers, albeit in a somewhat affectionate manner.

Naruto's pickup fires into life with a loud roar, and he grins, before slamming his foot onto the accelerator. "Let's get this show on the road, you two."

Sakura turns slightly green as they speed off the street, nearly fishtailing on a turn. "You watched _Tokyo Drift_ today, didn't you, Naruto? I can _tell._"

"Slow down," Sasuke orders. "You're fifteen over the speed limit."

Naruto makes a face, but slows down slightly. "I did watch _Tokyo Drift_, actually, while I was babysitting Konohamaru. And, Sakura, did you know that it really _sucks_ driving with the kid of the police chief?"

Sakura elbows Sasuke mischievously. "Really, because I've never noticed—"

"Ugh, shut up," Sasuke glowers. "It's sort of the family business, after all, and it's just ingrained into my psyche by this point; there's nothing I can do about it. I'm probably even going to start at the Police Academy next summer, after graduation and I turn eighteen…just like Itachi and Shisui did."

"What a fun part-time job," Naruto replies sarcastically. "Dealing with our freshman year at college, _while_ you perform the noble duty of upholding the law? That sounds intense."

"Well, it's not like it's on a permanent basis, right?" Sakura tries to cheer him up. "Aren't Itachi and Shisui only doing it until they finish their graduate degrees?"

"Something like that," Sasuke nods. A thoughtful expression flickers over his face. "I guess I might enjoy it, though – the two of them have really taken to it. Although Itachi probably just enjoys having an excuse to torment people and take away their freedom."

"It does seem to be the kind of thing he'd like," Naruto acknowledges, as he switches the radio on. "Heh, Sasuke, do you remember when we were just little freshmen, and every time Itachi ran into us in the hallway, he'd grab you by the hair and slam your face into the nearest locker?"

Sasuke winces visibly at the memory, his hand going up to rub his cheek ruefully. "Thank _god_ he was a senior by then; I don't think I could have survived sophomore year with that kind of humiliation and agony as well…besides, I think that he introduced my face to every locker in the whole damn school in the year that we went to it together."

"Itachi wasn't all _that_ bad," Sakura defends halfheartedly. "He was probably the reason I passed Honors Geometry, remember?"

"And you would always complain about the fact that he tormented you just as much as he tutored you," Sasuke reminds her mercilessly.

Sakura frowns. "Okay, fine, you've got a point…" She trails off, looking out the window, at the distant spectacles of Christmas lights, and her frown only becomes more pronounced. "Naruto, what are you doing? You know that you're heading _away_ from town, right?"

His attention diverted from the evils of his older brother, Sasuke glances out the window as well. "Dumbass, _why_ the hell are you getting on the interstate?"

Naruto laughs a little nervously. "You know how I told you guys that we were going shopping for Christmas trees, right?"

"Right," Sakura and Sasuke grit out menacingly.

"Well, I wasn't lying!" Naruto chirps. "We are going shopping! Except not from some crappy Christmas tree factory in town…from the wonderful and beautiful store of pure, untouched _nature_!"

A few heartbeats of silence greet this extraordinary proposition.

Regardless of the fact that Naruto is the driver and a basic safety rule is to _never_ attack the driver, Sakura punches him in the arm, hard. "Naruto Uzumaki! Did you just imply that we're going to chop down a pine tree off the Interstate?"

"I didn't imply it, Sakura," Naruto replies, scratching his head sheepishly. "I basically _told_ you that we're going to chop down a pine tree off the Interstate."

"Dumbass, do you even know _how_ illegal that is?" Sasuke growls, before reaching over Sakura's head and smacking Naruto in the arm.

Naruto makes a wounded face. "Why is it illegal? How is it illegal? We live in freaking Forks, Sasuke! There are about a million more pine trees here than there are people! They don't call it the _City Hidden In The Leaves_ for nothing, stupid!"

"It's intentional and wanton defacement and theft of state property," Sasuke retorts tensely. "Even if it _is_ a stupid law, it's still a law."

"Look, Naruto," Sakura pleads. "Just turn around and we'll go to a crappy Christmas tree factory in town just like every other normal person…it doesn't matter that it'll be overpriced and not too pretty! It beats breaking the law four days before Christmas!"

Naruto grins at her wolfishly. "Come on, Sakura, Sasuke – don't you two want to have fun? Not only is my plan economically sound, but it isn't harming the environment _at all_ because we have such an excess of pine trees, and besides, it provides a valuable holiday-time bonding experience!"

Sakura rolls her eyes. "_Naruto,_ you, Sasuke, and I have been best friends for – oh, how long has it been, now? We met in sixth grade and now we're seniors in freaking high school! The past six years have been nothing _but_ bonding time!" She glares at him suspiciously. "Have you been hitting the alcoholic eggnog again?"

Naruto just laughs innocently. "Alcoholic eggnog? Me?"

Sasuke's dark eyes narrow into thin slits. "Damn it, Naruto, if you're driving under the influence of copious amounts of alcoholic eggnog, you _do_ know that Forks law can have you arrested, right?"

Naruto just continues laughing innocently.

Sasuke and Sakura exchange panic-stricken looks.

"Sakura, check the little compartment under his seat!" Sasuke orders. "Now!"

"Sakura, no, don't!" Naruto yelps, swerving the car dangerously.

"Naruto Uzumaki, you _better_ keep this car on the road or else I will kick your sorry ass from here to freaking New Jersey, do you hear me?" Sakura growls menacingly, before sliding down in her seat and awkwardly groping around for the compartment in question.

After about a minute of Sakura's struggling, Sasuke jumps when he hears her muffled shriek. Glaring at Naruto, Sasuke grabs her by the back of the jacket and lifts her back onto the seat. "Sakura?"

Sakura brandishes the more-than-half empty bottle of eggnog at him. "Naruto! I cannot _believe_ you!"

"Well…" Naruto tries his best to see if his winning grin can help him out of the situation. "I didn't know it had rum and cognac mixed into it until I was almost done!"

"Fuck," Sasuke groans, completely unaffected by the winning grin. "That's it, Uzumaki. Pull over."

"What?" Naruto protests, his eyes widening. "But Kiba said the best selection of trees is a few miles down the road…"

Sakura grabs his arm and pinches hard. "Pull over _now,_ before we run into a State Patrol and you get arrested!"

"Fine, fine…" Grumbling all the way, Naruto pulls off the road and turns off the truck.

"I can't believe you," Sakura sighs, leaning back against her seat. "This had the potential to be worse than when you and Kiba spiked the punch at last year's Christmas party."

Naruto hugs her arm. "But you love me anyway, don't you, Sakura?"

"…Fine. I do. I admit it. Now get off, Naruto, you're going to make my favorite jacket smell like eggnog!"

Sasuke wrinkles his nose. "This whole infernal death trap that he calls a _truck_ is starting to smell like eggnog. Let's go outside."

With that, the three seventeen-year-olds tumble out into the elements. It is cold in the kind of infuriating way where it's more than freezing enough for snow, but for some reason, it _isn't_ snowing, which just makes everything worse.

"Ugh," Sakura shivers, despite the jacket, as she kicks an exposed tree root balefully. "How long are we going to be hanging out on the side of the interstate like…like hobos?"

"Hey, hey, don't diss the hobos, Sakura," Naruto frowns playfully.

Sasuke, however, gives the subject some thought. "I would probably say an hour – that should give the dumbass here enough time to pass a breathalyzer test if he had to take one."

"What are we going to do for an hour?" Sakura asks rhetorically. "I mean, there's no snow, so we can't even have an epic snowball fight like we did last winter…"

Naruto, however, has other ideas; he wanders through the forest that borders the interstate, looking at the hundreds of pine trees with a disturbingly appraising expression on his face. "There," he pronounces at last, before slapping one tree on the trunk of a nearby pine. "Forget what Kiba said about all the good ones being three miles down the road – this is _the_ one."

Sakura glances at the tree, and is surprised to find that she actually agrees with him. "It's beautiful. And it's the perfect size, too. Not too big like the others around here, but not too small."

"Sakura, you sound contemplative," Sasuke points out darkly. "Don't tell me you're even thinking about going along with the dumbass's stupid plan."

"Sasuke, in town, a tree less than _half_ as good as this one would cost a good hundred and fifty dollars, at the very least," Sakura is forced to defend. "And, I mean…isn't this what the tree harvesters do, anyway? Except multiplied on a scale tens of millions of times higher than this one."

Naruto punches the air triumphantly, throwing an arm around Sakura's shoulder and grinning at Sasuke. "Yeah, that's right – outnumbered, so come to the dark side, bastard! After all, we have cookies…and better Christmas trees than you do."

"This is base criminal activity," Sasuke tries to scowl, but his mouth twitches in a way that suggests a smile. "Besides, how would you cut it down? Go at it with your teeth?"

Naruto crows with triumph, before fairly dancing over to the bed of his pickup and fumbling with a large tarp that covers the contents in the back of the truck. Sasuke and Sakura watch in trepidation, until Naruto finally extricates himself from the tarp…toting a large, rusty saw along with him.

"Oh, god!" Sakura backs up, actually colliding with the tree. "Naruto, _why_ do you have that?"

"Driving while under the influence, carrying a lethal weapon…" Sasuke shakes his head in despair. "My best friend is practically a certified criminal. Father would be so ashamed."

"Oh, calm down, I'm not going to get all Texas Chainsaw Massacre on you," Naruto grins, leaning on the saw casually. "But this is the answer to your question, Sasuke-bastard. We have the tree. We have a saw. We have an hour to kill. It's basically the recipe for one kickass night…if you're in."

_What the hell, _a voice that sounds remarkably like her _other_ best friend in the world, Ino, speaks up, in the private recesses of her mind. _You only live once, Sakura._

So, it may be stupid, but Sakura steps over to stand at Naruto's side decisively, tossing her long pink hair over her shoulder. "I'm in."

Sasuke gapes. "…This is ridiculous. This is _illegal._"

"You know what I think, Sasuke?" Naruto asks mischievously, in a tone that most certainly does not bode well for anybody involved.

"_You_, think? Perish the thought," Sasuke retorts sardonically.

"I think you're chicken."

Upon this sudden throwback to their middle school days, Sakura actually has to restrain herself from hitting her own forehead with frustration. Could they _get_ any more immature?

Sasuke's eyes narrow, much as they used to six years ago, when faced with this sort of challenge. "…Pardon?"

"You heard me," accuses Naruto. "_Chicken._"

"Don't say that, Uzumaki," Sasuke grits out dangerously.

"I won't," Naruto lightly tosses the saw over to him, and Sasuke catches it easily. "…If you _prove_ that you're not. By helping Sakura and I with the tree."

For a few long moments, Naruto and Sasuke engage in one of their epic glaring matches, while Sakura just leans against Naruto's truck and makes a point of sighing loudly.

"Fine!" Sasuke snaps, hefting the saw, and striding over to Naruto's selected tree. "Let's do this."

"Heh, we're going to break the law," Naruto grins, as he and Sakura run to catch up to Sasuke. "This is definitely the best start to what's going to be the best Christmas _ever._"

Sakura smirks back at him, caught up in the moment. "Of course."

-

_One Hour Later_

-

"One, two, three!"

On the count of three, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura all reach up and push, and with that, the chopped pine tree falls firmly into the back of Naruto's truck.

"Success!" Naruto yells, before promptly hugging Sasuke and Sakura close to him. All three of them are laughing loudly enough to be intoxicated, and they all have pine needles absolutely _everywhere_ and splinters all over their arms and hands, but strangely enough, Sakura observes, it's completely worth it.

Even Sasuke runs his fingers through his dark hair, his normally impassive eyes glittering with adrenaline. "Come here, dumbass," – and with that, he drags Naruto closer, smells his breath, and inclines his head a fraction of an inch. "You're good now. It just smells like you've been rolling around in pine needles all day."

"Well, then, let's go," Sakura smiles, running her fingers through her hair as a copious amount of pine needles fall out. "Now that we're finished with the tree, I can actually feel the cold."

Still laughing, the three of them slip into the truck, start it up, and get back on the interstate, heading for home. Sakura sticks their joint favorite band's latest CD into the player, further emphasizing the mood of frolic and triumph that has settled over the usually-warring trio of best friends.

"Admit it, bastard," Naruto says, for the fifth time. "It was fun. You had _fun_ while intentionally…eh, what was it, Sakura?"

"Intentionally and wantonly defacing and stealing state property," Sakura supplies wickedly.

"Yes! That! You had fun intentionally and wantonly defacing and stealing state property, didn't you, Sasuke-bastard?" Naruto crows gleefully.

"I plead the Fifth," Sasuke says, with a completely straight face.

They spend the next ten minutes arguing, before Sakura yells at them to shut up, and elbows Sasuke in the ribs and punches Naruto in the arm, before turning up the music and telling them to channel their aggression in trying to out-sing the other.

…And that is how Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno end up totally speeding on the interstate, while singing along to Taking Back Sunday at the top of their lungs, with a defaced and stolen piece of state property in plain sight on the back of Naruto's truck.

(In hindsight, all three of them will agree that it had been nothing less than a complete, utter, and _total_ recipe for disaster.)

The three of them are in the midst of the chorus to MakeDamnSure, their shared favorite, when things start to go awry.

"Ah, Sasuke, get ready for your part!"

"Yeah, hit the high note, Sasuke-bastard! You can do it!"

Sasuke shakes his hair back, directing a casual glance out of the window, as he prepares himself to take on the single most challenging part of the entire song.

"I'm going to make _damn_ sure that you won't ever – _fuck!_"

Sakura's eyes fly open, where she had closed them against the chilly night air let in by Naruto's open windows. "Sasuke, that was so not in the lyrics—"

"Although it works, kinda," Naruto says pensively. "Very inspired moment, Sasuke…"

"No!" Sasuke yells, craning his neck to look behind them. "It's not the song! It's the State Police, right behind us!"

Sakura pales drastically, before swiveling her head around – true enough, she can see the telltale flashing red and blue lights appearing from around a bend in the road. "Oh, god, Naruto, he's right!"

"Shit, shit, shit," Naruto curses frantically. "The tarp didn't cover the entire tree, did it?"

"Nope," Sasuke says grimly. "They'll be able to tell what it is without a problem."

"Well, then," Naruto sighs. "Hold on to your guts, you two, because it's time to pull a trademark Uzumaki Evasion – we're going to speed up and totally leave them in the dust."

"No!" Sakura shrieks, at the same time as Sasuke, and she looks over at him.

Sasuke is even paler than she is, and his left eye seems to be twitching slightly. "Don't. Every single guy in my family is on the police force, and that _seriously_ pisses them off…" he trails off, looking over his shoulder nervously, and Sakura glances at him, worried.

"What should we do?" Naruto asks, obviously shaken. "Are they still following? Are we sure it's _us_ they're after?"

Sakura glances around quickly. "They're still following, yeah, and there's nobody on this stretch of the interstate but us, Naruto…"

Naruto grits his teeth, looking over at his two best friends, and even in the gravity of the situation, he notices Sasuke's rapidly fading pallor. "Sasuke? You okay?"

Sasuke shakes his head resolutely. "No. I mean, yes. I'm fine. It's a relatively big area, right? What are the chances that – I mean, I could _swear_ that those two aren't supposed to be on duty tonight—"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sakura and Naruto ask in unison, both of them nearly trembling with fright.

Sasuke directs another almost frightened look around at the State Police car behind them. "It means that we're cutting our losses and speeding up."

"Sasuke, are you sure that's a good idea—"

Sakura's words are abruptly ripped from her throat as Naruto presses on the acceleration, and the truck fairly rockets forward, with immense speed that belies its age. Naruto's grip is white-knuckled on the steering as he guides the truck forward with surprising smoothness. "Sasuke, Sakura…what's their status?"

"Disappearing from sight," Sakura reports, spinning around to check on the fading police lights. "And, now – oh…damn…"

Sasuke and Sakura watch, horrified, as the squad car speeds up with just as much intensity as Naruto's truck had. "Oh, we're screwed," Sasuke observes, almost clinically.

"Why?" Naruto fairly whimpers. "Why are we screwed?"

"There's one guy on the force who drives like that," Sasuke says through gritted teeth. "My cousin Shisui."

"But isn't his partner…" Sakura asks, with a sense of dawning horror.

"_Itachi_?" Naruto explodes. "As in, your brother, the _Antichrist_ Itachi?"

"Calm down, calm down, we don't know anything for sure," Sasuke attempts to backtrack. "If it's really Shisui and Itachi, then they're going to—"

"_Attention, idiots! This means you! Yes, you in the hideous-looking orange pickup truck!"_

Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto exchange horrified looks.

"Yeah, it's Shisui and Itachi," Sasuke groans, rubbing his forehead. "Shisui loves that loudspeaker…"

"_Idiots in the hideous orange pickup, pull over immediately! As in, right this instant!_"

"Shit, what do I do?" Naruto asks, panicked.

"_Are you not hearing me, cretins? Pull. Over. Now!"_

"Pull over now, apparently," Sakura trembles, hugging herself. "As we've graduated from idiots to cretins, and that's never a good sign…"

Cursing under his breath, Naruto immediately pulls off to the side of the interstate, turning off the truck. Behind them, the flashing lights come closer, before stopping as well. In the front seat of the pickup truck, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura all huddle together and tremble like there's no tomorrow, forgetting everything that they know about being seventeen and high school seniors and _so_ much more badass than that—

"Oh god, they're getting down," Naruto nearly sobs. "Mom and Dad are going to take away my license for sure…"

"My mom's going to cry with disappointment," Sakura sniffles.

"It _is_ Itachi and Shisui…Father's going to _kill_ me…" Sasuke twitches.

With that, the two eldest Uchiha slink over to Naruto's pickup truck. Sakura can't help but notice that they both look like Sasuke…except taller, and gifted with the leanly muscular structure that comes with being around their early twenties. Both of them are dressed in black pants and sleek black fur-lined jackets with golden badges on them, and they're almost identical – except one has short hair, and one has long hair, held in an elegant ponytail at the base of the neck. That is Itachi, of course, and she supposes that the one she doesn't recognize, with the short hair, is Shisui.

Sakura gulps as Shisui approaches first and flings Naruto's door open, while Itachi lingers in the background, surveying the three miscreants with a smirk. "What do we have here?" Shisui asks, peering at them in the dim illumination granted by the streetlights. "Could it be…Naruto Uzumaki? The mayor's son?"

"The very same," Naruto replies, crossing his arms over his orange parka and at least managing to sound decently brave.

Shisui grins in recognition of the teenager's bravado. "Get out, Uzumaki, and let me see your little partners in crime. Come out, you two."

Sasuke, still shadowed by the trees that they have parked near, gives Sakura's hand a reassuring squeeze, and Sakura tumbles out of the car, almost tripping over Shisui's feet. He catches her easily. "Oh, I remember you – with that hair, you've got to be little Sasuke's girlfriend, right?"

"Right," Sakura acknowledges weakly. "…Ex-girlfriend, actually."

Shisui grins. "What a silly cousin I have, in that case. Now, get your back against the truck, like Uzumaki over there."

Cursing every aspect of her life, Sakura flattens her back against the truck next to Naruto, under Itachi's watchful gaze. He raises an eyebrow at her in recognition, before smirking, and it is all Sakura can do not to launch herself at him and smack him with one of her heavy winter boots.

"Oy, Itachi! Look what we have here!" Shisui's incredulous tone gets Itachi's attention quickly; the eldest of the Uchiha brothers glances over at his cousin and partner, and his dark eyes widen a fraction of an inch.

"There's really no need for the headlock, Shisui," Sasuke growls, trying in vain to extricate himself from his cousin's grip.

"My little brother is a criminal, apparently," Itachi remarks silkily, recovering from his initial surprise. "How…interesting." With one quick movement, he grabs Sasuke from Shisui and slams his younger brother up against the truck roughly, before surveying the unlikely lineup of teenagers, who all glare at him with various measures of defiance in their eyes. "Mayor Namikaze's son," Itachi observes softly. "The hospital director Tsunade – this is her niece. And, of course, the younger son of the town's police chief. This is rather…scandalous, is it not, Shisui?"

"Very," Shisui grins. "It's almost too scandalous – should we let them go, Itachi?"

"Yes!" Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all yell in unison.

"No," Itachi replies calmly, before crossing his arms and surveying them. "We have one count of the intentional and wanton defacement and theft of state property, one count of speeding twenty miles over the limit, one count of an attempted evasion of law enforcement, and…" Itachi pauses, tilting his head up slightly and sniffing, like a wolf, before abruptly striding over to the driver's seat of the truck.

"Oh, _shit_," Naruto mutters under his breath, while Sakura buries her head in her hands and moans.

"One count of driving under the influence of alcoholic eggnog," Itachi fairly purrs with satisfaction, returning with the bottle of mostly-empty eggnog.

Shisui shakes his head at them disapprovingly. "Tsk, tsk, children. What happened to the good old days when kids would stay at home on the holidays and play Monopoly?"

"That's not fair!" Sasuke yells. "The dumbass – I mean, Naruto – would pass a breathalyzer test if you gave one to him right now!"

"Even so," Shisui considers. "You've broken three other laws in one night, which means – oh, take it away, Itachi. You like this part best, anyway."

"You three are all under arrest," Itachi completes smoothly, his dark eyes glittering with obvious perverse pleasure in the situation. "You have the right to—"

"Wait, Itachi," Shisui interrupts, giving Sakura a critical look. "I'm not sure about the _you three_ part – look at the girl – Sakura, right? – she's too small to have helped with chopping down a tree of that size."

Sakura isn't sure if she likes being called _small,_ but if it saves her from getting arrested, then she isn't going to complain. She tries giving Itachi an innocent look while Sasuke and Naruto nod frantically on either side of her, but Itachi just looks her up and down, a skeptical look in his eyes, before he closes the distance between them in two smooth strides. Sakura almost trips as she tries to back up, only to collide solidly with the back of the truck again.

Itachi smirks at her obvious discomfort, before reaching out with one gloved hand and…

Stroking her hair?

"What the hell are you doing?" Sakura yelps, shrinking against the truck and defensively gathering her jacket around her.

"Calm down, Sakura," Itachi deadpans, and he withdraws his hand, before showing Shisui that the palm is covered with minute, yet very incriminating pine needles…which had apparently been in her hair. Sakura groans, hating her life more with every passing second.

Shisui nods regretfully. "Go ahead, then…"

"You can't arrest us!" Sasuke yells at Itachi, quite beside himself. "I'm your own flesh and blood! And these two are like _my_ flesh and blood! For all intents and purposes, we're all family here, and family _do not_ put each other behind bars!"

"Sasuke, ever since you started driving, I've been looking for an excuse to arrest you," Itachi replies, sounding bored. "This may possibly be one of the happiest days of my life."

"This could be considered an abuse of power," Sakura glares. "It's just sick."

Naruto, in a moment of desperation, withdraws his Christmas tree money from the pocket of his parka and waves it at Itachi. "Don't arrest us! Please! We're too young and innocent for jail!"

Sakura pounces on him, trying her best to stuff the money back in his pocket. "Naruto, no! You're the mayor's son; you can't go around trying to bribe police officers!"

Shisui groans. "Oh, kid, you're in for it now…"

Itachi's eyes narrow, like a predator zoning in on its prey. "Attempted monetary bribery of law enforcement agents, I see. That carries two to three years in itself—"

"Fine, never mind, no monetary bribery!" Sasuke flails, before finally reducing himself to pleading. "Itachi, if I get arrested, Father's going to have a coronary and take away everything I own and he won't let me go to senior prom or the graduation trip—"

"What kind of pathetic and desperate female would lower herself enough to go to prom with _you_, foolish little brother?" Itachi sneers condescendingly.

"Hey!" Sakura yells, despite herself. "I _dated_ him, you know!"

Itachi smirks at her. "My most sincere condolences."

"You're just bitter because _you_ never went to any high school social events!" Sasuke challenges, scowling.

Sakura twitches slightly when she notices the rather vindictive expression that slides over Itachi's handsome features. "Do you _want_ to spend tonight in a cell with the most subhuman excuses for men that the Forks Penitentiary has to offer, Sasuke?" he says, with deceptive calmness.

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke all pale drastically at the very prospect.

"I'll give you anything!" Sasuke hisses, sounding desperate. "Anything that I have, that you want – it's yours."

Itachi raises an eyebrow at him. "What makes you think that _you_ could have anything that _I _would desire, foolish little brother?"

Sasuke's dark eyes dart around desperately, and before Sakura can blink, her best friend grabs her by the shoulder and literally flings her in the direction of the two police officers. Sakura's foot catches on an exposed tree root, and she stumbles forward, only to have Itachi grab one arm and Shisui grab the other, at the last possible second. "Sakura!" Sasuke barks tersely. "One of you two can have Sakura, if you let the three of us off!"

"Wait, what?" Naruto and Sakura yell, in unison.

Shisui whistles, obviously entertained by this shocking new development. "Sakura, you're cute and all, but Hana would set her dogs on me," he teases, gently pushing the astounded teenage girl into his cousin's arms. "Itachi, on the other hand…"

Itachi catches her by reflex, but Sakura rips herself out of his grip and immediately turns on Sasuke, her green eyes glittering with fury. "Sasuke Uchiha!" she shrieks, livid beyond belief. "Did you just _whore_ me _out_ to your crazy older brother?"

There are a few moments of utter silence on the interstate.

Naruto scratches his head sheepishly. "Bad move, Sasuke."

Sasuke laughs nervously. "Not the word choice I would have used, Sakura, but…in essence, yes."

Behind her, Itachi makes a small sound of amusement in the back of his throat, and Sakura just blushes, thoroughly mortified. "I appreciate the sentiment, little brother, but apparently, you seem to have forgotten that I am twenty-two to Sakura's seventeen. Which makes what you were implying very much…illegal."

Sasuke smacks his hand into his forehead upon realizing this. "I was born into the wrong family, wasn't I?"

"Don't worry, Sasuke, every family has a black sheep," Naruto reassures in an undertone, before looking up at the amused Shisui and Itachi, and the silently fuming Sakura. "Eh, Itachi, does that mean that you _won't_ take Sakura on a date and let the three of us off?"

"I would have to arrest myself for inappropriate conduct with a minor, if that were the case," Itachi replies dryly.

"Wait, wait," Shisui interrupts, his dark eyes glinting mischievously. "It's illegal for a seventeen-year-old girl and a twenty-two-year-old guy to, uh…perform certain activities together, but it's _not_ illegal for the guy to take the girl out on a strictly platonic and very friendly dinner date."

There is another moment of silence, due to Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura all being reduced to utter speechlessness.

Sasuke is the first to recover, and, forgetting his usual icy reserve, he rushes over and hugs his older cousin quickly – something he hasn't done in at least five years. "I _knew_ there was a reason you were my favorite!"

Naruto stares at Shisui with an expression of abject adoration on his face. "You have _got_ to be the coolest police officer in this entire town."

"Officer, with all due respect, what the hell is wrong with you?" Sakura screeches.

"Shisui," pronounces Itachi, his tone dripping menace. "Why?"

Shisui blinks under the mixed adulation and condemnation. "In order: Sasuke, I love you too; Naruto, you're pretty cool yourself, aside from your abysmal driving skills and flagrant disregard for the law; Sakura, I was dropped on my head as a baby; and Itachi…well, because you really, _really_ need to get out more. Besides," – he grins expansively, gesturing at them – "it's the holidays, and I don't want to arrest my baby cousin and his best friends."

"…Okay, never mind," Sakura admits grudgingly. "You are pretty cool."

"So, it's settled, then?" Naruto asks cautiously. "I get to keep the tree and go back home and everything's all well and good, and in exchange, Itachi gets to go on a date with Sakura?"

"No!" Itachi and Sakura snap, at the same time, before exchanging awkward glances with one another and looking away.

"Yes," Sasuke and Shisui confirm, with identical grins on their faces.

"Get back into your hideous orange excuse for a vehicle," Itachi orders tersely. "The two of us will escort you back to your homes in order to make sure that you three do not engage in any more blatantly rash and foolish activities."

Sakura pales slightly, and not from the cold. "I can't show up at my house with a police escort; my mom would freak…"

"You should have thought about that before you decided to steal a pine tree off the interstate," Itachi retorts dryly, before pointing at the truck. "Go."

Muttering resentfully amongst themselves, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura climb back into the pickup, as Itachi and Shisui return to the squad car. Upon receiving Shisui's signal, Naruto pulls back onto the interstate, followed by the two police officers, and he is careful to stick to the speed limit this time around.

Naruto is the first to break the silence; he sighs deeply, watching the squad car behind them. "I cannot _believe_ that we ran into the Antichrist in police officer form and didn't get arrested…shit, never mind what Kiba says; next year, I'm going to the crappy Christmas tree factory."

Sakura smacks Sasuke in the arm, hard. "We only didn't get arrested due to this _bastard_ over here and his stupid declaration! Sasuke, I cannot believe you!"

Sasuke rubs his arm, visibly wounded. "Sakura, I can't believe you just called me a bastard. Besides, one night with Itachi – it's not _too_ big of a price to pay for all three of us getting off free, right?"

"Still, Sasuke! It's the principle!"

"Sakura, honestly, it's not like you two are going to have sex or anything…" A revolted look appears on Sasuke's face. "…Oh, god, I can't believe I just said that."

"_Sasuke!"_ Sakura squeaks, if anything, even more horrified.

"Can I say something?" Naruto interrupts.

Sakura glares at him. "Is it going to be nasty, disgusting, and gross?"

"…heh. Probably."

"Go for it," Sasuke says immediately.

Naruto directs a sheepish look at Sakura, before inching away from the girl, just in case. "Well. Funny idea, really. If Sakura over here went all seductive on Itachi and he caved and like…kissed her, or something, he would have to arrest himself! Because she's under the age of consent or whatever—"

Disregarding the fact that there are two police officers closely following them, both of whom could charge her for aggravated physical assault, Sakura begins punching Naruto in the ribs furiously. "Naruto Uzumaki! You are even _worse_ than Sasuke!"

Sasuke snickers, amused. "Sakura, I never thought I'd say this, but could you put the moves on Itachi? If he had to arrest himself for inappropriate conduct with a minor, it would be _the_ happiest day of my life…"

"Why do I hang out with you two?" Sakura asks plaintively.

"You love us," Sasuke and Naruto chorus dutifully.

"…Oh. Yeah. But still! I'm _so_ not going to do anything creepy with Itachi, okay?" Sakura asserts, blushing.

Sasuke snorts humorlessly. "God, Sakura, you act like you didn't have the hugest crush on him for all of freshman year when he had to tutor you—"

"Sasuke!" Sakura shrieks, quite beside herself, as she kicks him repeatedly and viciously in the shins. "How dare you talk about that! We _never_ talk about that!"

Naruto observes them as he turns onto their street, looking somewhat terrified. "Sakura, please, I don't want to have to clean blood off the upholstery…"

"Fine," Sakura sulks, ceasing her assault on the ruffled-looking Sasuke in order to cross her arms and pout.

The trio remains in a state of silence for the remaining one minute that it takes Naruto to pull up in front of Sakura's house. Despite the conflict of the past few minutes, both boys give her one-armed hugs before she slides down and waves to them.

Much to her dismay, though, the squad car pulls over right behind Naruto's, and Itachi slips out, before raising an eyebrow upon seeing the horrified expression on Sakura's face. "There's absolutely no need for this!" Sakura hisses, backing up her driveway. "I can walk myself!"

Itachi catches up to her quickly, before taking her arm and leading her to her door. He smirks at her, correctly sensing the reason for her discomfort. "Please, Sakura – it is common courtesy, after all."

Sakura tries her best to tug away from him, very much aware of Naruto, Sasuke, and Shisui's curious eyes boring holes into their backs. "Well, then, can you refrain from mentioning that you're a police officer who almost arrested me for helping my best friends steal a pine tree off the Interstate?" Sakura whispers heatedly, even as she presses the doorbell.

"Why else would I be—"

Itachi's reply is very suddenly cut off by the door swinging open, and Sayuri Haruno looks at her daughter and the _very_ handsome young man with her curiously. "Sakura, what…"

Sakura summons her brightest smile, before rapidly improvising by grabbing Itachi by the hand. She feels him twitch, unsettled, but his long fingers entwine with hers as soon as he understands what she intends to do. "Oh, Mom, this is Itachi, Sasuke's older brother. We ran into him while we were out tree shopping…"

Itachi nods at her stiffly; the angle of his head very conveniently conceals the presence of the squad car parked near their house. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise," Mrs. Haruno smiles. "Would you like to come in?"

Itachi blinks, somewhat surprised at the request, before he shakes his head slightly. "That will not be necessary, but thank you for offering." He looks down at Sakura, and then back up at her mother. "I was, ah, wondering if you would find it permissible for me to request Sakura's company for dinner tomorrow?"

Sakura and her mother blink in unison, but Mrs. Haruno is the first to recover. "Of course!" she fairly beams.

Itachi offers her his quiet thanks, before meeting Sakura's gaze. "What time would you find most convenient?"

"Around seven?" Sakura suggests, glad that he had cottoned on to her ploy so easily; with luck, her mother hadn't even noticed his gold badge…which his long, side-swept ponytail mostly covers, anyway.

Itachi inclines his head slightly. "I will see you tomorrow evening, then."

Deciding to finish strong, Sakura stretches up on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to the startled Itachi's cheek. "Good night, Itachi!"

"…Night," Itachi manages, somewhat weakly, before turning and slinking off into the darkness.

With that, Sakura slips inside, closing the door firmly after her. "Mom," she chides. "Stop staring!"

Mrs. Haruno moves away from the window and tries to look innocent. "Sasuke's older brother, hm? Now, Sakura, how long have you been interested in this Itachi?" she asks curiously.

Sakura laughs sheepishly, resisting the urge to check if she has any pine needles in her hair. _Well, Mom, since Naruto, Sasuke, and I illegally chopped a pine tree down off the side of the Interstate, sped away from the scene of the crime, were pulled over by Itachi and Shisui, almost got arrested for breaking three major town laws in the space of two hours, and Sasuke literally threw me at Itachi with promises of a date in order to stop us from being arrested. And the rest, as they say it, is history. _

"…Long story," Sakura says, instead, as she heads upstairs. "As a matter of fact, Mom, you probably wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

* * *

_to be continued_

* * *

You know, I always said I would never write a modern-day AU, but this idea literally attacked me and just would not let go.

The next part deals with Itachi and Sakura's "date", and it should be up in the very, very early hours of January 1, 2009. I'll say it again later tonight, but, just for good measure:

Have an absolutely _amazing_ New Year's, everybody. I really do love you guys – the majority of you have supported my ItaSaku writings all the way from Disturbia, my late-October project, to the completely cracktastic epic Love Lockdown, through various one-shots, and of course, my latest project, Heartless. Your comments really do make my day, and make the process of writing even more fun. If you're reading, thank you. If you've ever been kind enough to leave a review, thank you a million times over. :)

As always, feedback on how this turned out would be very much appreciated. :D


	2. The Date

_As always, thank you so much to everybody who was kind enough to review. :) Haha, sorry about this not being up in the 'very' early hours of 2009 – I fell asleep. Oh well, better late than never, right? _

_-_

_Part two of two._

_-_

_Ring. _

_Ring._

_Ring._

And, finally…

"Hello?"

"Sasuke!" Sakura shrieks, into her innocent and much-wronged hot pink Katana. "I hate you!"

"…Sakura, please, you say this to Naruto and I at least once every week. What is it _this_ time?"

"I don't know what to wear!" Sakura hisses, scandalized, as she rummages through her closet for at least the fifth time of the entire day.

Silence. And then, "Damn it, Sakura, isn't this why you're friends with Ino and Tenten and all of…them?"

Sakura growls her frustration as she tosses aside several old pairs of jeans. "They said that they couldn't help me unless they knew _where_ Itachi's taking me out! Dressing up for dinner at like…McDonalds or something is _so_ different from dressing up for dinner at Olive Garden!"

Sasuke sighs deeply, and over the phone, it sounds like a rush of static. "Don't worry, Itachi won't take you to McDonalds – he hates the freaky clown just as much as I do. Anyway, hold on."

Sakura looks at several different dressy tops with something approaching panic in her eyes until Sasuke finally appears back on the line. "It's some fancy café…thing. He won't say what it is exactly, which leads me to believe that the entrees may constitute freaky stuff like marinated rodent innards in a stew of—"

"_Sasuke_!"

She can almost hear Sasuke smirking over the phone. "Kidding, kidding. But it is a fancy café-thing."

"Thanks," she beams, before hanging up, and turning to face her closet with a new amount of resolve.

Fancy café-thing.

She can _do_ fancy café-thing.

-

One and a half hours later, at six-thirty exactly, Sakura Haruno is dressed and styled to perfection, in tight black, slightly flared jeans, black stiletto heels, and the crimson silk off-shoulder top that Ino had given her for her last birthday. She glares at her reflection in the mirror, before sighing, flopping down on her bed, and getting ready to give herself her usual mental pre-date pep talk.

_First and foremost, I will not under any circumstances…make an ass out of myself._

_Second: Itachi Uchiha may be really freaking hot, but he _is_ also a police officer who is legally obligated to uphold the…law. So, that means no talking about the various crazy things that myself, Sasuke, and Naruto do on an almost daily basis. So, no mentions of the Junior Year Graffiti Incident, the Freshman Food Fight, or the Sophomore McDonalds Vandalism Scandal…_

Sakura pauses a moment to think.

_And, above all, no matter what the (considerable) temptations are – do _not_ pull any weird seductive stuff in order to go along with Sasuke and Naruto's crazy plan to have Itachi arrest himself for inappropriate behavior with a minor. Is that clear?_

…_However, if you want to pull any weird seductive stuff for your own, personal reasons that have nothing to do with Sasuke and Naruto's crackheaded plot…then, fine, go right ahead._

Sakura promptly looks horrorstruck at this unwelcome manifestation of her subconscious desires. Thankfully, a distraction soon presents itself in the form of her phone – it beeps, indicating a new voicemail, and she frowns, before flipping it open and pressing the requisite buttons. _Play message? Yes._

The voicemail flares into life, featuring a disturbingly familiar voice:

_-giggle- Hey, Sakura, it's me, your best friend in the entire world, Naruto –muffled giggle- I just called to say hi and to tell you to have fun on your date with the Antichrist – uh, sorry, I meant Itachi…and uh, yeah, don't forget to be on your best behavior! And by best, I mean most sexy and seductive and likely to drive even the most conscientious police officer crazy with desire for you. And, um, Sasuke called too, and he wants me to tell you that he says to remember one word: Jailbait. Anyway, cheers!_

Sakura stares at her phone disbelievingly for all of three seconds.

Then she pelts it across the room with a snarl of rage, and the innocent Katana collides with her beanbag and plops sadly to the ground, while Sakura herself flops down facedown on her bed and punches her pillow as violently as possible, while imagining her two _best_ friends' faces as substitutes.

Her little anger management exercise is suddenly interrupted by the distant sound of the doorbell, and cursing and throwing one last appraising glance at herself in the mirror, Sakura rushes downstairs as fast as she safely can. Her mother is out visiting with _her_ best friend Mrs. Yamanaka today, which means…

The heel of Sakura's stiletto catches on the rug that is at the base of the stairs, and the bewildered teenager shrieks and falls forward, nearly impaling herself on the doorknob. Breathing heavily and trying to modulate her flow of profanities, Sakura flings the door open. "Yes?"

Law Enforcement Agent Itachi Uchiha, last seen attempting to apprehend her for the intentional and wanton defacement and theft of state property, raises an eyebrow, before casually handing her a large, bright yellow sunflower. "Hello, Sakura."

Sakura only stares for a moment, before reaching forward and tentatively accepting the flower. "How did you—"

"Sasuke told me that they were your favorite," Itachi completes wryly, watching the girl fairly bury her nose in the sunflower. "Normally I am rather skeptical of the things that come out of my foolish little brother's mouth, but I decided to trust him on this one."

"He's not foolish," Sakura defends automatically, although she tempers her words with a smile, as she locks the house up after her, and steps out into the evening with him. "But thank you for the flower, anyway."

Itachi sniffs aristocratically. "That would be a matter of perspective, I believe." He gives her a slightly uncertain look out of the corner of his eye, noticing how unusually…unsteady…her step is, perhaps because of her ridiculously impractical footwear.

The usually stoic police officer hesitates once, and then again, before clearing his throat abruptly. "You…look nice."

Sakura looks up at him, pleasantly surprised - especially as he looks _excessively_ handsome, in dark pants, a dark blue dress shirt, a jacket, and a black silk tie. "Thank you."

Itachi frowns at her slightly, before removing his sleek black jacket and lightly throwing it at her. "… _Too_ nice. Put that on."

Sakura's jaw drops, before she recovers quickly and, egged on by voices in her head that sound suspiciously like Sasuke and Naruto, gives Itachi a coy look. "What's wrong? Am I too _young_ to look this nice?"

"Yes, actually," Itachi replies, sounding completely serious, before opening the passenger door for her.

Sakura makes a face at him as she slips into the black Jaguar; it is a mirror image of Sasuke's car, and that is the only thing that saves her from gaping at it openly. Still, it is easily the most luxurious vehicle that she has ever been in, and Sakura can't help but feel herself relax into the leather upholstery.

Itachi slips into the driver's seat, and with one quick turn of the keys in the ignition, the expensive engine practically purrs into life, before he easily guides it out of the base of her driveway and onto the street. Sakura blinks as she watches him drive, absolutely _hating_ her strange propensity to think it's just so unbearably sexy when a guy can drive _that_ well…

The silence is surprisingly comfortable, considering their slightly less than conventional circumstances – but then again, out of Sasuke's little trio, Itachi always _has _liked Sakura the most, even though he would rather arrest himself than admit it. After a few minutes of silence, though, Sakura's natural curiosity surfaces, and she leans across, pressing the 'play' button on the music display, just to see what kind of music Itachi listens to, of course…

Just _her_ luck, the volume happens to be cranked up to the absolute highest, and Sakura actually jumps in her seat when the top-notch stereo system flares into life. "Oh, my god! What is this?" she yells, over the _very_ loud, chaotic guitar riffs and death growls.

Itachi smirks at her reaction, before turning the volume quite a bit lower. "It's called death metal, Sakura. Not your cup of tea?"

Sakura wrinkles her nose, which has the joint effect of making her look much younger than she is…and absolutely adorable, as well, although Itachi chides himself for noticing such a trivial and inconsequential thing. "This is gross," she pouts. "I mean, you can't understand a _single_ thing that they're saying! It's just…snarls and growls…"

Itachi gives her an amused look. "You can, as a matter of fact – you're just not listening hard enough. You may put the radio on, though, if it bothers you that much."

Sighing her relief, Sakura quickly presses various buttons until she reaches her second-favorite radio station, and the Jaguar is soon filled with pleasant and generally inoffensive Top Forty music. Itachi smirks again, even as he easily switches lanes and accelerates, while staying well within the speed limit. "You haven't changed all that much from when you were a freshman, have you?" he observes absentmindedly.

"What?" Sakura yelps indignantly – hell, her forehead was _big_ and her limbs were too long when she was a freshman, and she would _really_ like to think that she's filled out since then. _Especially_ considering that, due to unforeseen circumstances, she is now on an official date with the hot yet totally unattainable guy she had crushed on for a good majority of the ninth grade. "I have too changed!"

"You still listen to annoying music," Itachi points out evenly. "You have continued your association with my foolish little brother and Naruto, you're still surprisingly fierce when angered, you predominantly wear red and black more than most other colors, because you believe that anything else runs the risk of clashing with your hair…and if gambling were not illegal, I would be willing to bet that you continue to spend more time in math class passing notes with your loud blonde friend than actually paying attention." He pauses his lengthy listing in order to smirk at her again. "Although the propensity for violating the law is a new development, at least, as far as I know."

Sakura blinks, stunned and horrified to realize that, aside from some aspects of her physical appearance, she really _hasn't_ changed. "Ugh, you're actually _right_."

"Always the tone of surprise," Itachi says dryly.

"Sorry," Sakura smirks back at him. "I'm just used to hanging out with Naruto and Sasuke."

Itachi rolls his eyes minutely. "Ah, the infamous and ever-illustrious duo. By the way, Shisui told me to inform you that he apologizes for indirectly calling you an idiot and a cretin. No such apologies were extended to my foolish little brother or Naruto, but he liked you."

Sakura can't help but giggle at the thought of the friendly police officer. "It's alright."

Itachi glances at her, looking somewhat intrigued. "Despite your abysmal grades during the entirety of Honors Geometry, you never struck me as the type to do…idiotic or moronic things."

Sakura blinks. "Thanks, I think? And," – she sighs – "is now the part why you ask me why Sasuke, Naruto, and I were engaging in the idiotic _and_ moronic activity of illegally chopping down a pine tree off the side of the Interstate?"

"Yes, actually," Itachi allows – despite being fully engaged in their conversation, he still manages to navigate the crowded town streets with ease. "After all, it is hardly a normal sort of Friday-night activity."

To his surprise, Sakura laughs at him, tossing her hair back. "Well, I thought it was stupid, too, and I punched Naruto about ten times when he told us—"

"Aggravated assault, I see," Itachi smirks, but Sakura has been best friends with Sasuke for long enough to know that, in Uchiha-speak, this is as close as he can get to gently teasing her. "You're developing quite the criminal record here, Sakura."

"Yeah," Sakura rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. "I'm on my way to becoming a regular juvenile delinquent, as a matter of fact. Anyway, Sasuke and I tried to talk Naruto out of it, but, um…then we had to pull over…"

Itachi raises an eyebrow at her. "I suppose I shouldn't ask why?"

"No," Sakura replies sheepishly.

He makes a slight sound of amusement in the back of his throat. "I will infer that it had something to do with that mostly-empty bottle of eggnog that I found under Naruto's seat."

"A wise inference," Sakura says evasively. "Anyway. Due to circumstances purely beyond our control, we ended up on the side of the interstate for an hour with nothing to do."

"And it is a widely acknowledged fact that defacing and stealing state property is the universal cure for boredom," Itachi retorts, although he tempers his words with a smirk.

"Yes, actually," Sakura glares at him playfully. "And…um…we also happened to be carrying the means to chop down a pine tree in the back of Naruto's truck…"

It takes all of Itachi's considerable willpower to avoid slamming down on the brakes when he hears this latest revelation. Instead, he just sighs, looking at his recalcitrant pink-haired date. "In reflection, I find it shocking that last night was the _first_ time you three almost got arrested."

For some reason that is probably best for him not to know, Sakura finds this extremely amusing. "Oh, you have no idea. Anyway, we stuck the tree in the back of Naruto's truck, and we were on the way home when," – she sighs – "…well, you know the rest." But she brightens again, her eyes sparkling with happiness. "It was definitely worth it, though!"

"How so?" Itachi asks, genuinely curious.

In response, Sakura gives him an expression normally reserved for regarding the village idiot. "It was _fun._ And, oh god, don't pull some trademark weird Itachi statement on me and go like, _fun? What is this fun you speak of_?"

Itachi pulls into a parking space in front of the café, before turning the car off and staring at her, a downright scandalized expression on his normally impassive features. "Did you just imply that I have _weird Itachi statements_?"

Sakura taps her chin thoughtfully with one elegantly manicured silver fingernail, and then smiles at him mischievously. "I didn't _imply_ that you have _weird Itachi statements_ – I'm pretty sure I _told_ you that you have weird Itachi statements."

For his part, Itachi just blinks at the strange little female.

"Look," Sakura says defensively. "If I had said 'it was fun', and then not said anything else after it, would you have been likely to respond with some variation of 'fun? What is this fun you speak of?'"

Itachi averts his eyes quickly. "Yes, well—"

Sakura smirks at him, before poking him firmly in the chest. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Itachi actually rolls his eyes at her, in the kind of age-appropriate gesture that she hardly ever sees from him, before getting out of the car and walking across to open _her_ door and help her out. Of course, Sakura is very much capable of doing these things for herself, but honestly, what seventeen-year-old guy that she knows would be so…courteous? It's a bit of a refreshing change from the males of her age group, really.

Much to Itachi's dismay, as soon as Sakura steps out to stand beside him, a crowd of teenaged males across the street, loitering in front of a music store, immediately start clapping and whistling at her. Sakura glares at them, as she tries her best to avoid stumbling on the pavement, and wonders if flicking them off, even in front of a technically off-duty police officer, could earn her a citation for vulgar behavior and disturbing the peace. God knows that she would do a hell of a lot _worse_ than that if it had just been Sasuke and Naruto accompanying her…

Meanwhile, Itachi throws several of his most intimidating and deathly glares over at the crowd of teenagers. "I could book them for sexual harassment," he murmurs under his breath, as he reaches out a hand to steady Sakura.

Sakura can't help but smile at him, even as the leader of the group calls out a series of very lewd remarks. "That won't be necessary."

Fairly glowering in his displeasure, Itachi curses the need for desperate measures, and wraps an arm around her slender waist, pulling her closer to him in an obviously possessive gesture, and predictably enough, the catcalls from across the street die down abruptly. Sakura smirks over at them, before deciding to enjoy herself a little. Leaning closer into his light hold, she runs a few fingers down his spine. "Oh, Itachi," Sakura purrs, looking up at him flirtatiously. "You're giving me ideas. Stop it."

If the look that he had given her in his car earlier had been _scandalized,_ then this expression is downright horrorstruck, as he looks down as his foolish little brother's best friend, who is definitely _far_ too young to know how to do those kinds of things with her voice and eyes… "_Sakura_."

Sakura dissolves in a fit of giggles. "Sorry, sorry. It was too good to pass up."

Irritably, Itachi reflects that in the unlikely event that he ceases studying to be a forensic pathologist and follows in his father's footsteps as the town's police chief, he will _illegalize_ overtly flirtatious behavior by pink-haired girls who are definitely under the age of consent. Or subtly flirtatious behavior. Or…any flirtatious behavior whatsoever. Yes. That would definitely prove to be the best course of action.

Still, he steps ahead of her to open the door to the café, and the two of them step inside. Sakura admires the tasteful, simple yet elegant décor immediately; it is absolutely beautiful, and completely lit up with icicle-style Christmas lights and various other forms of seasonal memorabilia. However, despite the fact that it is a lot warmer in here than it had been outside, of course, Sakura can't hide her slight frown of displeasure when Itachi slips his arm from around her waist.

"Table for two, please?" he inquires of the elderly hostess sleekly, and the grandmotherly woman fairly beams at them, before leading the couple to a secluded corner table near a miniature fountain.

Sakura slips into her seat across from Itachi, before batting her eyelids at him coyly. "So."

Itachi actually considers lifting his menu to shield his gaze from her apparent advances. "…Yes?"

Sakura gives him one of her irrepressible smiles. "I told you stuff about the criminal activities that _I've _been up to lately…which means that it's now your turn."

A slight smirk tugs at the corners of his mouth. "Hm. I do not engage in criminal activities, but recently, my time has been fully engaged between my preparations to become a forensic pathologist and my duties with the State Patrol."

Sakura's eyes widen to an almost alarming degree. "Oh, so _that_'_s_ what you want to do!"

Itachi raises an eyebrow at her. "Once again, the tone of surprise."

Sakura laughs nervously, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. "Well. I don't remember exactly how, but you came up in conversation this one time when Naruto, Sasuke, and I were talking about college and stuff…and all Sasuke would tell us about your intended profession was that it was _some weird necrophilia thing._"

Itachi discreetly chokes on his icy water. "_What_?"

"His words, not mine," Sakura adds hastily.

Itachi's left eye twitches dangerously.

Sakura observes his distressed expression with a slight smile hovering at the edges of her mouth. "…Just so you know, Sasuke totally freaked out and almost cried during the scene in _Spider-Man_ when Tobey McGuire or Peter Parker or whoever got bitten by the freaky radioactive spider," she mentions casually. "Make what you will of it."

Upon receiving this valuable tidbit of information, Itachi looks at her with an even higher degree of interest, remembering a long-forgotten childhood incident where their family had taken a trip to the zoo and the eight-year-old Sasuke had point-blank _refused_ to go into the arachnid room with himself and their father. "Indeed?"

"Yeah, but you didn't hear it from me," Sakura smiles, before scanning her menu.

"Interesting," Itachi considers this for a few moments, and purely by chance, his eyes light on a small, nearly transleuscent scar on her hand. It runs nearly the entire length of her right thumb, and for a moment, he is surprised that he hadn't noticed it earlier.

Sakura feels the weight of his eyes on her, and she glances up, surprised. Itachi nods down at her hand, after a few moments of hesitation. "May I?"

Sakura, of course, _completely_ misinterprets this, and her inner squealing teenage girl goes into paroxysms of glee at the prospect of having Sasuke's _totally _sexy older – even if he is far too law-abiding for her tastes – brother asking to hold her hand. "Of course," she manages to respond, in a relatively normal tone.

To her surprise, Itachi reaches out and runs the tip of his finger lightly down her scar, and it takes all of Sakura's willpower not to slam her forehead against the table in frustration. Of _course_ it had to be the damn scar. "How did this happen?" Itachi asks quietly.

Sakura winces at the memory. "A slight mishap involving my first time really using a scalpel. You know that I'm kind of like an intern at the hospital, right? Aunt Tsunade appointed me at the beginning of senior year, because it's valuable experience for getting into medical school…anyway, I was practicing how to use the scalpel before I could actually participate in any surgeries, and I don't know _how,_ but, yeah. I pretty much sliced my thumb open and bled everywhere."

Itachi looks at the scar again, before hastily remembering to withdraw his hand, which he does. Sakura pouts with dismay, even as she returns to looking at her menu. "So, Itachi," she remarks offhandedly. "I showed you mine, so…"

She trails off purposely, green eyes glittering wickedly, and it takes Itachi a few moments to cotton on to her meaning. He rolls his eyes minutely, even as he not-seriously curses the wiles of playfully flirtatious teenage girls. Due to his general aura of icy inapproachability, which has gained him a rather large degree of infamy around the small town, he actually never receives – attention – of this particular nature; females tend to flock to his more open and genial cousin Shisui…which makes dealing with Sakura quite a bit harder than would be expected.

"I don't have any scars," Itachi deadpans, at last.

Sakura gives him an appropriately shocked look. "No _way_. You're a police officer; don't you deal with unstable, crazy, and armed and dangerous psychos on a regular basis? I mean, it isn't like the crime rate around here is bad enough to make _CSI: Forks_, or anything, but still…"

Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of a waiter, and the two of them order – Itachi sticks with a basic sort of meal of grilled chicken with lemon herb and slow-cooked noodles, while Sakura orders the strangest and most outlandish-sounding item on the menu, which the waiter informs her may or may not include deep-fried baby snails. To Itachi's horror, Sakura waves her hand cheerfully and informs the waiter that it is quite alright.

In response to Itachi's obvious disbelieving stare, Sakura smirks at him as their waiter departs. "Come on; live a little."

"If your standards of _living_ include flagrant disobedience of the law and ingesting deep-fried baby snails, then I would rather not," Itachi drawls sardonically.

Sakura gives him her most winning smile. "You'll try one of my snails, won't you?"

"I will do no such thing."

Sakura pouts outrageously, before channeling her inner deep reserves of sheer, unparalleled nerve, and reaching out to twine her fingers with Itachi's. He actually jumps at the sudden physical contact, and she can't help but think, amused, that if he weren't a Uchiha and therefore too _cool_ for things like blushing, then Itachi would be turning all kinds of red right now. "Sakura," he chokes out, looking as if he is being strangled by his tie.

Sakura tilts her head to the side and flutters her eyelashes even more. "_Please_ try a snail?"

Now, Itachi knows that unless he acquiesces to the outrageous request, Sakura will keep holding his hand or, heaven forbid, do god knows what _else_ to his innocent person. "…Fine," he murmurs grudgingly. "I will try a snail."

Sakura cheers, before pulling her hand back and giving him another one of those way-too-disarming smiles that really _ought_ to be made illegal…

As if she knows the dangerous direction that his thoughts are wandering in, Sakura smirks at him slightly, before seemingly-casually adjusting her long, pink locks so that they fully expose her delicate, bare shoulders…

When Itachi catches his gaze following the seemingly innocent movement, he mentally curses in five different languages.

So.

_This_ is how the mighty fall.

-

Little known fact about Sakura Haruno:

Everything that Sakura needed to know about how to be a good person was, in actuality, learned in kindergarten. Share everything, play fair, don't hit people (okay, fine, so she doesn't follow this particular commandment as much as she should, but still), put things back where you found them, say you're sorry when you hurt somebody, don't take things that aren't yours, and never under any circumstances try to seduce the nice police officer, especially when you yourself are underage and he is a good five years older than you…

Okay, fine. She _hadn't_ learned the last one in kindergarten, but still, she is fairly sure that to some degree, it is basic common sense. Unfortunately, Sakura has always lacked in common sense.

Itachi takes a delicate bite out of his strawberry cheesecake, while absolutely _hating_ the fact that this café offers ice cream as a dessert option. Hell, it is winter in Forks. Daytime temperatures have a high of approximately thirty degrees, and this otherwise very excellent café offers _ice cream_ as a dessert option? There is no logic or method to this madness whatsoever.

While he's at it, Itachi decides to hate the fact that Sakura has decided to support this obvious travesty by _ordering_ ice cream. French vanilla, to be precise. She seems to find her ice cream very, very enjoyable, though, judging from the way that she is…

…_oh, hell._

Itachi promptly forces himself to abandon that train of thought, because it is heading in a very, very _illegal_ direction, and this is absolutely nothing more than a purely platonic and completely friendly dinner date – one that, if he is completely honest with himself, has been an extremely enjoyable experience. Even including _this_ little interlude…oh, wait, he isn't supposed to be even thinking about that…

Sakura nibbles her ice cream, looking intently focused on her pursuit. One drop of vanilla melts off the cone onto her knuckle, though, and she frowns slightly, before bringing it to her mouth and practically _kissing_ it off, before returning to her ice cream.

Itachi straightens his tie in an attempt to give himself something else to focus on.

Stupid, _foolish_ little brother for coming up with this idea in the first place.

And damn Shisui for cooperating with it, too.

As Sakura nibbles tiny bits of her ice cream cone, she can't help but notice Itachi's slightly obsessive-compulsive fidgeting with his tie, and she blushes slightly. She has no doubt that if it had been Kiba or even Shino or Neji; hell, _any_ guy her age, he would have given in by now…but Itachi, of course, has an infinitely higher degree of icy resolve than any of them. Naruto or Sasuke, if they had witnessed this subtle spectacle, would definitely be staring at her with their jaws somewhere on the ground.

But, anyway, this isn't _for_ Naruto or Sasuke or their ludicrous plan of having Itachi arrest himself for 'inappropriate conduct' with her. It sounds selfish, and the circumstances that had brought it about were less than desirable, but in many ways, Itachi had been her first really _serious_ crush, aside from her on-and-off middle school infatuations with the likes Sasuke and Neji, and Sakura really hadn't ever thought that she would ever find herself on an actual date with…Itachi, of all people. And, maybe some people would find it slightly unsettling – including Itachi himself, apparently – but she isn't put off at all by the five years' difference between them. And, in all honesty, Sakura will be _damned_ if she lets this rather extraordinary opportunity pass her by.

She finishes her ice cream, and smiles at him brightly. "How's your cheesecake?"

Itachi twitches slightly; apparently he had been as lost in his thoughts as she had been in hers. "It is rather pleasant." He nudges the plate over to her; there is still a small piece left. "…Would you like the rest?"

Sakura is flattered by the courteous offer, but she shakes her head at him nevertheless. "No, thank you…the ice cream was delicious."

A rather pained expression flits through Itachi's dark eyes for a fraction of a second. "I gathered as much."

The waiter, catching sight of their empty plates, stops by their table on the way to another's in order to drop off the bill. Sakura hastily reaches into her pocket, but Itachi smirks at her, before withdrawing a very shiny and pretty credit card and handing it to the waiter, who thanks him and quickly moves off to the nearby front of the café. "Please, Sakura."

"But—" Sakura protests, pulling out her own debit card and pushing her chair back, before looking toward the waiter.

Itachi just raises an eyebrow at her in a way that brooks no protests, and the girl pockets her card again, makes a face at him, and sits down. The waiter returns with Itachi's card, wishes the two of them a good night, and informs that the café is going to close for the night, and that they should exit through the back.

After the waiter leaves once again, Itachi raises an eyebrow at Sakura. "Shall we?"

Sakura stands up with him, ignoring her brief pang of disappointment – for heaven's sake, it is nearly ten, and she and Itachi had lingered for quite a while at the café just to talk, before ordering dessert, even though both of them had finished their main courses within a reasonable period of time. In all fairness, she can say that it has easily been the best date she has ever been on…and she's been on quite a few. Not an outrageous amount by any means, but enough to make having a 'best date' distinction quite significant.

The back exit is just a simple glass door, leading to an elegant patio with a few other tables and chairs, within easy walking distance of the parking lot. Sakura's sharp gaze quickly catalogues their surroundings, before her eyes narrow in triumph upon locating the exact object that she has been looking for during the entirety of their little…outing. Itachi doesn't notice it, of course; even if he had, it is likely that he wouldn't even recognize what it is, so Sakura doesn't worry about _that_.

They approach the staircase leading from the patio down to the café's lawn and sidewalk, and Sakura waits for Itachi to place a steadying hand on the small of her back to help her down the stairs. As soon as he does, she hesitates, and he turns back to her curiously. In response, Sakura just nods at the illuminated town that stretches before them. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asks, the multicolored lights reflecting in her eyes.

A little startled by the sudden observation, Itachi turns nevertheless, observing the lit-up town. He normally does not take the time to notice such mundane things, but now, even he has to admit that it is a pleasing sight. "…It is."

Judging from the sheer expanse of bare shoulders and upper arms revealed by her top, she _must_ be cold, and Sakura moves a little closer to him, biting her lower lip to keep herself from shivering. "Thank you," she murmurs softly. "For…tonight. It was easily the best date that I've ever been on."

Itachi blinks, and backs away one pace, only to find that he has unwittingly cornered himself against the railing. "It was my pleasure," he says, rather awkwardly. "Besides, you have no reason to thank me; in terms of sheer technicality, it was not really a—"

"Still," Sakura interrupts, her voice getting even quieter, and, strangely enough, he notices her gaze flicker upward. "…It's tradition, isn't it?"

For some reason, Itachi isn't at all certain that she is talking about the societal norms of dating protocol any longer. He follows her gaze upward, and when he sees the telltale cluster of green sprigs of leaves, Itachi pales slightly. "…Ah."

Before he even has time to blink, Sakura steps forward, bridging the small gap between them by wrapping her arms around Itachi's shoulders, and then she stretches up, lightly but firmly pressing her lips against his. She shows no signs of removing herself after just a brief moment, though, instead moving a little closer, until she feels his arms gently, tentatively wrapping themselves around her waist, pulling her even more securely against him. Sakura smiles with satisfaction, against his lips, and her eyes slip closed.

…In all honesty, Itachi's heart actually stops the very second that he notices the mistletoe above him, but then Sakura kisses him and it feels _damn_ good, and he doesn't even realize that he is _kissing_ her _back_ until some dazed part of his mind registers that she fits perfectly into his arms, and she tastes sweet, just like vanilla ice cream—

All too soon for her tastes, though, Itachi literally wrenches himself away from her, and Sakura can't help a slight mew of dismay upon the sudden severance of contact. His jaw is tight with displeasure, his dark eyes glittering with anger, and Sakura can't help but gulp, even though she knows that the full force of his emotions aren't directed at _her. _"Itachi, wait—"

Without looking back at her, Itachi descends the short staircase quickly, before striding over to his nearby car. Sakura follows as fast as she can in her stilettos, her apprehension only growing, as soon as she sees the highly tense set of his strong shoulders. As she watches, slightly bewildered and at a loss for something to say, Itachi flings the passenger door open, before extricating something from a side compartment.

Sakura actually flinches when he throws his car keys at her, before catching the keys with fumbling fingers. "Drive," Itachi orders tersely, and Sakura notices, horrified, that the _something_ that he had extracted from his side compartment is a pair of handcuffs.

"What the hell are you _doing_?" Sakura nearly yelps, as she lunges forward and attempts to confiscate the restraining equipment from his strong grip – holy _shit,_ she had thought Sasuke and Naruto had been joking when they said that he would arrest himself if he caught himself reciprocating her attentions! Even though _she_ had been the one who had kissed him in the first place…

Itachi tugs himself away from her easily, before putting the front of the car between them, obviously not trusting himself to be within three feet of her. "The transgression that I just allowed myself to engage in with you is a criminal offense," he snaps, still looking obviously unstable.

"Oh, for god's sake!" Sakura lowers her voice, seeing as screeching at him would definitely disturb the peace, before throwing the car keys at his chest, infuriated. "One, you did _not _just call our kiss a 'transgression.' Two – drop the handcuffs, and get in the car _now_! I am not driving this thing unless you want it wrapped around some streetlight somewhere!"

To her surprise, Itachi acquiesces, after a few moments of thought, and Sakura joins him, sliding into the passenger seat and already nursing what promises to be a massive headache. "Don't overreact," she snaps, too angry at herself to be more tactful. "We just _kissed._ It wasn't a criminal offense."

Itachi's left eye twitches slightly, as he slips even further into police officer mode. "Actually, according to state law, namely ordinates twelve and thirteen of the sixth subsector of Sector Seven, which both deal with issues including but not limited to statutory—"

"Okay, fine!" Sakura flails defensively. "So, apparently it _was_ a criminal offense! Look, I…I…" she hesitates, her green eyes glimmering mutinously. "Never mind. I'm not going to apologize for it, because that would imply that I _regretted_ it."

Itachi throws her a patently disbelieving look. "Sakura, you cannot just – _rampage_ about, indiscriminately forcing your affections upon innocent passerby with no regard for the legal ordinates that govern this state."

If possible, this statement only serves to aggravate the petite pink-haired teenager further, and she actually grows a few inches due to anger alone. "_What_? Oh my god, did you just imply that I'm a whore? First Sasuke, by his stupid act of literally _throwing_ me at you, and now you! Why do both of you _hate_ me so much?"

Upon being faced with this accusation, Itachi looks more horrified than he has all night – which is actually really saying something. "Sakura, no, I most definitely do _not _hate you and I hardly meant to imply _that_; I just think that you severely misinterpreted my statement—"

"It doesn't matter if I misinterpreted it!" Sakura yells, now quite beside herself. "Because, still – there are so many screwed-up things about that statement that I don't even want to _think_ about all of them! First of all,_ Itachi,_ I don't _rampage_ about kissing people at will! I'm not Godzilla, for heaven's sake; I don't rampage! Even though I trip and fall and make an ass out of myself on occasion, I am still mostly a very delicate and graceful individual!"

…_Oh, god, this had _not _been in the job description,_ Itachi thinks weakly, even as he nods for the benefit of his irate and obviously very wronged date.

"…And just for your information, I am _very_ picky about the people I kiss; hardly _indiscriminate_! I only kiss people that I really, really, _really _like, so you should feel _honored!_" Sakura shrieks, outraged, and the occupants of the neighboring car that they have just pulled up next to at a stop sign direct curious looks into the Jaguar.

Itachi blinks, nonplussed, and caught somewhere around the '_really, really, really like' _part of her declaration. "What – I mean, I am, or, I do feel, ah, _honored,_ to be precise; it is just that—"

"And I do not _force_ my affections upon people, either!" Sakura continues, now looking quite livid, and her eyes narrow vindictively as she looks back at him. "You _liked_ it, didn't you? I could tell!"

Itachi had been in the middle of executing a right turn, and as soon as he hears this latest outrageous accusation, his grip on the wheel slips, and he almost knocks over a traffic divider. "_What_?"

"You heard me," Sakura crosses her arms and sulks. "And, you know, that's _okay_ with me. It's perfectly fine – I don't mind the age difference either, regardless of the law. But you didn't have to get all defensive about it and hurt my feelings."

"…" Itachi considers the necessity of pulling over into the nearby Safeway parking lot and slamming his head against the dashboard until he succumbs to blissful unconsciousness.

Sakura brightens, completely misinterpreting his expression, before leaning across and patting him on the arm. "Don't worry, I forgive you." She looks thoughtful for a moment. "My mom's going to be out really late, so we could probably even go down to the beach at La Push and make out for a while, if you wanted to."

Before he can stop himself, Itachi thinks about it. _It,_ being the fact that, for the first time in his life, he has been seriously propositioned by a willing female, and taking her up on that proposition would have been rather tempting, if she were only _not_ five years younger than him, and he doesn't _consider_ doing it, but he envisions what it could be like in his head, and god help him, but he _likes _what he sees, and upon realizing his horrible mental transgression, he almost turns five different shades of red. "_Sakura_!" he chokes, narrowly avoiding slamming his Jaguar into a Yield sign.

"I wouldn't tell anybody," she pouts.

Itachi sighs deeply, now combating a massive headache of his own. "Sakura, I will not drive us to La Push and…make out with you."

He says the last four words in a rather hushed tone, as if fearing that his foolish little brother and the _rest_ of his male law enforcement relatives will suddenly pop out of the backseat and attack him with tasers for his earlier inappropriate contemplation, while Sakura blinks, looking as if he had poured a glass of icy water over her head. "…Why?" she asks, obviously wounded. "I thought you liked me."

"I do," Itachi is quick to reassure her, lest she misinterpret his actions again and start _crying_, or some other such horrible thing. "…As a friend. Maybe even a close friend." There, he said it. 'Close friend' is a distinction only granted to the likes of his cousin Shisui, and his lab partner Kisame Hoshigaki, so the girl should be feeling very, _very _special right about now, damn it.

Instead, Sakura just continues to stare at him like a kicked puppy.

Itachi sighs again; they have come to the front of her house, and he turns the car's engine off with one flick of the keys in the ignition. "Sakura, I do find you an exceptional sort of individual, but would be illegal for us to have a relationship that is anything more than platonic," he explains quietly. "That is Forks law, and I have absolutely no intention of disobeying it." He hesitates for a moment, deciding to cement his words. "Besides…I have no desire for the distraction from my career and studies that a romantic relationship would provide."

To his dismay, though, the words do not come out as steadily as he had intended them to, and Sakura glances back at him for a moment, although this time, the expression in her clear emerald eyes is inscrutable. Her gaze flickers back to the darkness outside of her window quickly, though. "I don't know if Sasuke's ever mentioned it," she murmurs, "but I turn eighteen in three months. If…if that changes anything."

Itachi blinks – Sasuke _hasn't_ mentioned it. For a few moments, a very, very small part of him is tempted to say that it still doesn't change anything, because five years is a long time, even if she doesn't think so, and the difference between seventeen and twenty-two is identical to the one between eighteen and twenty-three. But…apparently unreasonable as it is, Itachi finds that he cannot bring himself to mind in the least.

"It might," he acknowledges at last, his voice slightly roughened by the strain of the evening.

Both of them know that it is the closest that he will come to an admission – for now, at least, and a slight smile tugs at the corners of Sakura's mouth, brightening her pretty features. "Until then?" she asks softly.

Knowing her playfully flirtatious nature, it probably isn't the best thing to do, but Itachi takes her hands in his for just a moment. "Friends?" he suggests.

In response, Sakura gives him a smile that is nearly blinding in its radiance, before leaning in quickly and kissing his cheek. "The best."

Itachi withdraws his grip, fighting the urge to touch the spot that she had just kissed. "…Friends that do _not_ perform inappropriate sexual advances on each other," he warns dryly.

Sakura laughs at him, before opening her door and slipping out of the car easily – for once, not stumbling in her stiletto heals. "But that's the most fun kind…anyway, good night, Itachi!"

Before he can make a move to follow her, Sakura fairly skips up her driveway and disappears into her front door. Itachi stares after her for a few moments, before blinking once, and shaking his head slightly, to clear it. As he drives back home, his thoughts are dominated by two recurring threads – one, what he has just managed to get himself into, and the second? …The exact number of days until March, of course.

-

…_interlude…_

-

The next three months pass peacefully enough – Itachi is true to his word about being _just friends_ with Sakura, despite the indignities that he suffers to his stoic person during this time – namely, one rumored incidence when Sasuke had _sworn_ he saw Itachi and Sakura at the mall in Port Angeles, with Itachi trailing after Sakura, carrying around a large and fluffy stuffed puppy that Sakura had apparently won in a prize drawing.

Still, Itachi dutifully fuels her caffeine addiction with Starbucks strawberries and crème frappuccinos on a regular basis, spends every Saturday afternoon in the library with her, helping her study for the SATs, and once even attempts to teach her how to drive properly. This does not end well, due to Itachi nearly having to flee because of the sheer amount of innuendos and advances that Sakura makes on his innocent person, but…still. It is an enjoyable experience nevertheless.

Thankfully, freezing winter eventually melts into a slightly-less-freezing spring, which, of course means…

-

_March 21, 2008_

-

On the early evening of Friday, March the twenty-first, 2008, Itachi signs himself out of the Forks Police Department, before quickly striding through the double glass doors, and down the steep stone staircase. He looks even more elegant than usual in his full police regalia, and he scans the street quickly, looking for his Jaguar – he has somewhere to be, _very_ quickly, and, and…

…_what the hell._

A certain _very_ familiar rusty orange excuse for a vehicle, whose driver clearly demonstrates a shocking disregard for basic rules of vehicular safety, skids up to the front of the Forks Police Department, and in the amount of time it takes Itachi to blink, another _very_ familiar pink-haired individual is physically thrown out of the front seat and onto the sidewalk, before the truck and its remaining two occupants go speeding off into the distance, cackling evilly.

Itachi blinks, _cursing_ his foolish little brother and the equally foolish Naruto and their propensity to ruin absolutely _everything,_ including his plans – which were supposed to be a surprise, damn it – regarding this certain individual. The individual in question looks even more devastatingly attractive than usual, in perfectly-fitting dark jeans and a scoop-necked emerald green cashmere sweater that just happens to match the wicked gleam in her eyes perfectly. "Hello," Sakura fairly purrs, clutching her signature strawberries and crème frappuccino in her left hand.

Itachi actually takes a step back, being all too familiar with _that_ look on her, before he belatedly remembers that he doesn't necessarily have to run any longer. "Happy—"

Sakura doesn't even give him the chance to finish; she literally pounces on Itachi, wrapping her arms around his neck, and kisses him as if the world is in danger of ending tomorrow. It is hard and passionate on both of their parts; his hands tangle in her long pink hair, pulling her closer, and she accidentally bites his lip too hard and tastes _so_ strongly of overwhelmingly sweet strawberries and crème that the entire experience becomes a sensory overload in more ways than one, and on top of that, they are probably putting on a Notebook-worthy scene in the middle of the sidewalk, but for once, Itachi doesn't care; he reciprocates wholeheartedly from the very second their lips touch, and his arms wrap around her so tightly that Sakura is actually lifted a few inches off the sidewalk.

Meanwhile, as Shisui Uchiha strolls merrily out of the Forks Police Department, he takes a sip of mocha frappuccino, relishing the mere _thought_ of a blissfully free weekend. As he lowers his cup, though, he sees a _very_ familiar cousin of his, with his arms wrapped around an equally familiar pink-haired girl whom Shisui had last seen after she was involved in an illegal attempt to steal a Christmas tree off the side of the interstate, and she and Itachi are _very obviously_ making out, and, wait, (Shisui quickly does some math in his head); that is _so_ not right…

Shisui promptly chokes on his mocha frappuccino and sprays a liberal amount of it all over his uniform and the stone steps of the police department. "Oh, holy mother of _– _shame, Itachi, _shame_!"

The couple finally breaks apart, looking up at him, bewildered, and cursing under his breath, Shisui strides down the steps, pulling out the pair of handcuffs that he keeps in his bag. "Itachi Uchiha – _how dare you make me do this you bastard if you just _had_ to do that with her couldn't you have picked a better place than in front of the police department – _you are hereby arrested for inappropriate conduct with a minor; under Forks law…"

"Oh, shut up," Sakura sighs dramatically, before flinging herself back against the slightly dazed-looking Itachi, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Officer Shisui, do you know what day it is?"

Shisui blinks, nonplussed. "Uh…March twenty-first?"

"Yes," Sakura deadpans. "Otherwise known as my eighteenth birthday."

Shisui blinks again. "…Oh…" and comprehension dawns in his dark eyes. "So, that means…"

"Yeah," Sakura smirks, and stands on her tiptoes to kiss Itachi on the jaw, just for good measure. "Which means that we could probably continue what we were doing right _there_ for the rest of the night, probably, and you couldn't do anything about it."

Itachi clears his throat slightly, looking slightly abashed. "…Ah, Sakura, I'm fairly sure that he could."

"Disturbing the peace, you know," Shisui supplies, trying his best to hide his amusement. "Some advice from a veteran – avoid public places, and you should be fine. Itachi's Jaguar, on the other hand, is totally fair game…"

He trails off mischievously, but the damage has been done; Sakura smiles at him brightly, before grabbing Itachi's hand and dragging him off in the direction of the Jaguar. "Thanks, Shisui!"

Itachi, for his part, merely gives Shisui an evil glare which promises _certain death _later, before quickening his step to catch up with his newfound girlfriend. Sakura throws him a playful smirk over her shoulder, and Itachi can't help but let his hand tighten around hers, even as he pulls her closer, wrapping one arm around her slender waist.

_Yes,_ Itachi decides,_ murdering Shisui can wait until later._

…_Much later._

* * *

_the end_

* * *

Again, happy official New Year's, everybody. :) I hope it's an amazing 2009 for all of you.

Feedback would be very much appreciated!


End file.
